Love & Logic®
Parenting is hard. You feel like you’re giving everything you’ve got to raise loving, responsible and considerate kids, and often, it’s not enough. Despite all of the parenting books you’ve read, the blogs you’ve followed, and the date nights spent debating parenting approaches (instead of discussing anything other than your kids!)—your child’s latest tantrum still leaves you feeling like you’re falling short in the parenting department.
You want a loving, positive, effective, and respectful relationship with your kids; one where asking them to do something like put their shoes on doesn’t lead to frustration and arguments.
There’s a variety of factors that contribute to building a strong parent-child relationship that will both fill your cup and also get you out the door in the morning with ease.
That’s where Love & Logic® comes in.
Love & Logic® will help you:
- Foster self confidence in your children
- Teach responsibility, character, and respect
- Model effective, empathic, and respectful communication
- Stay calm when kids misbehave
- Gain cooperation the first time
- Deliver effective consequences that help your kids learn from
mistakes rather than repeating them
- Replace enabling your children with empowering them
- Banish arguments and power-struggles
- Set enforceable and effective limits
- Improve family relationships and closeness
Love & Logic® is built around the concepts of:
- leading with empathy before consequences … to help you maintain that loving relationship with your child
- neutralizing arguments … to teach your child effective conflict resolution skills
- eliminating your own anger … to restore the peace you want and deserve in your family
- offering choices … to foster self-confidence, respect, and decisiveness
And the best part is that Love & Logic® techniques are simple and easy-to-use, so you can start implementing them right away.
Sounds promising, right?! It is! If you leave this website with any one message, it’s that there absolutely is hope to end your parenting battles…and the good news is, you can learn these techniques quickly so that improving your parenting doesn’t add to the overwhelm you’re already experiencing.
Except that if you’re overwhelmed, stressed out, and tired, despite your best efforts and intensions, you’ll likely struggle to implement anything Love & Logic® teaches in a calm or effective way. Maybe you’ll say the right words, but your tone of voice will be overflowing with anger and tension. Or you’ll be so exhausted that you’ll find it easier to revert to your old parenting tactics that leave you and your child feeling defeated.
That’s why learning Love & Logic® from a therapist can make all of the difference. You’ll get the tools and expertise of a trained Love & Logic facilitator, combined with the insight and compassion of a therapist.
Brittni is an independent facilitator of the Love and Logic® Curriculum who also has training in attachment and therapeutic processes that can enhance your relationship with your child while also addressing any issues that may be straining your relationship with your child and/or partner.
Love & Logic® FAQs
What is Love & Logic®?
The Love and Logic® philosophy was developed in 1977 by Jim Fay, a former school administrator, Dr. Foster Cline, a psychiatrist, and Dr. Charles Fay, a school psychologist.
The three experts created the parenting model in order to help moms and dads learn how to reel in their own emotions when disciplining their children, and instead use love and empathy to teach consequences, establish boundaries and build healthy parent-child relationships.
What are the benefits of Love & Logic®?
While Love & Logic® teaches easy to implement parenting strategies, it also teaches parents how to stay cool, calm, and collected in the most stressful parenting situations. According to Charles Fay’s research, children are less likely to throw fits, argue or talk back when parents are able to remain calm. There are also fewer power struggles and more positive interactions when a parent follows Love and Logic®. This program can also strengthen the love and respect in your relationship to your children, and, as an added bonus, with your spouse too!
What ages does Love & Logic® apply to?
It’s never too late for parents to begin using the Parenting the Love and Logic Way techniques, whether your family has a teenager or toddler. Love & Logic® is full of practical, fun solutions to some of the most common challenges facing parents, grandparents, and anybody who cares for children. You will hear easy-to-learn and effective strategies for CHILDREN OF ALL AGES.
I’ve heard Love & Logic® emphasizes empathy but I’m afraid empathy won’t be enough to solve my child’s behavior problems. Why is empathy such a focus in Love & Logic®?
Jim Fay teaches that parents should “lock in [their] empathy, love, and understanding” prior to telling kids what the consequences of their actions will be. The Love and Logic® curriculum teaches parents how to hold their kids accountable in this unique, effective, and empathy-focused way. This method causes the child to associate their consequences with their poor choices, rather than drawing the conclusion that their consequence is the result of mom or dad being in a bad mood. When done on a regular basis, kids develop an internal voice that warns them of the consequences of their actions. Kids who develop this internal voice become more capable of standing up to peer pressure.
What does Love & Logic® mean?
The “Love” in Love & Logic® means that we love our kids so much that we are willing to set and enforce limits for them…even when it’s hard and requires more effort than giving in or being permissive. This “Love” also means that we ensure we set and enforce limits with sincere compassion and empathy.
The “Logic” in Love & Logic® happens when we allow children to make their own decisions (when appropriate), make affordable mistakes, and experience the natural or logical consequences of their mistakes. When we balance this with sincere empathy, they are able to grow into functional adults who will know that their choices have consequences and that they’ll have a better life if they make good choices (and therefore won’t be sleeping in your basement once that invitation has expired)!
How quickly can I learn Love & Logic® techniques? I am very busy!
Love & Logic® techniques are easy to learn and not very time-intensive to implement. While it may take your children some time to adjust to you setting limits without yelling, threats, and excessive punishments, it will actually simplify the way you parent, therefore saving you valuable time and energy.
When is the next Love & Logic® class?
Love & Logic® classes are offered quarterly. To make sure you receive an email to learn of upcoming classes, you can sign up here.
What if Love & Logic® isn’t a good fit for my family?
In general, Love & Logic® techniques are successful in most families. In fact, the only times I’ve seen a family not benefit from this program is when they have too much other stress in their lives that keeps them from being mindful about choosing to use the techniques. Luckily, as a therapist, I’m able to help busy parents find solutions and come up with a plan that is easy to implement, no matter how busy you are.
Do you teach any other parenting programs or philosophies?
In addition to Love & Logic, I teach Gottman Emotion Coaching, which I find to be an important addition to the Love & Logic® curriculum.
Do you offer private classes?
Yes! Private sessions are actually my preferred way of teaching Love & Logic®, as we are able to really customize the techniques to your specific situation. Private sessions allow me to pull in other supportive resources and tools that may be helpful to your specific situation.
Are you a parent coach?
The short answer is no…but depending on what you want, that might be good news for you! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with additional training in maternal mental health, Love & Logic®, couples therapy, codependency, and EMDR, a trauma treatment. (link to those pages) As a therapist, I’m able to not only offer: parenting tips, tricks, scripts, and interventions, but also an inside look at:
- child development,
- communication skills,
- emotion regulation,
- and most importantly, insight into what might be coming up for you that is keeping you from being the parent you want to be.
In this way, I can help you with the immediate parenting issues at hand, while also looking at the core issues that are causing you to get your buttons pushed by your child, resulting in lasting change.
Let’s look at an example of how a therapist and parent coach would respond to this common parenting problem: you’re looking for help getting your 5-year-old to listen to you without having to bribe him with cookies. Both a parent coach and a therapist would help you learn how to avoid the problem behaviors, how to respond when your child doesn’t listen to you, and how to turn tough situations into teachable moments.
However, a therapist would be able to identify that you may have a ineffective boundaries, and that that is the source of your problems, not your child. Your child is just doing what kids do best: testing limits because he knows he’ll get a cookie out of it if he refuses to cooperate—and who doesn’t want a cookie?! Because a therapist has more training in mental health and wellness, a therapist can help you identify key issues such as:
- Patterns – the patterns in your parenting that may be repeating in other relationships, in your marriage, or at work. Often, an inability to hold strong boundaries is at play in a scenario like this, and an inability to have functional boundaries often has it roots in our own childhood wounding, how we were parented, low self-esteem, depression, or trauma.
- Insight – into your past, present, and as such, insight into the changes you need to make to avoid problems in the future
- Relational Expertise – therapists receive a lot of training about the therapeutic relationship, something that can’t be replicated.
- Change Theory – therapists have extensive training in the theory of change – so we can assess how ready you are to change and help you move towards lasting change
- an in-depth look at how you handle your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
- Stronger assessments = stronger outcomes – therapists can employ more thorough assessments so that they can get to know you better and better identify what is contributing to your problems and pain.
- Prevention – a good therapist is able to look at your current life to help you get some relief right away, look at your past to see how you became the adult you did today, heal the pain points from your past that are likely affecting you in ways you don’t realize, and therefore prevent future pain and problems. If we only look at the current problem, we are often just seeing the tip of the iceberg. It’s a little bit like putting a bandaid on something instead of finding a lasting cure.
Another plus to getting parenting help from a therapist instead of a coach is that therapists are licensed and regulated by the state, which helps ensure ethical and legal standards are followed. This also means that confidentiality, with certain limitations, is protected by law.
How do I know if I should do a group class, private class, or sign up for therapy?
There are benefits to each option.
Group classes are often more cost effective, plus you get the added benefit from learning from others and the powerful realization that you’re not lone.
Private classes are able to be customized to your specific concerns, so you don’t waste time on interventions that don’t apply to your family.
Therapy can often offer more lasting change.